FratomBomb

Eye of the Tiger

2009-12-08T12:02:00.003-05:00

I go on the internet to waste time, and all the superhighway wants to do is suffocate me with more T Woods nonsense. My recent post on the matter criticized people who were alarmed, and...caught off gaurd... by the innocent-looking blasians antics. But this is just getting ridiculous. The mistress count is now in double digits. I'm more concerned with how he managed to commandeer Hermione Granger's time-manipulating device that allowed him to be the best golfer on earth, have sex with dozens of mediocre women, and fool the entire planet, simultaneously. Here are the newest floozes:

#9 Holly Sampson - [Occupation: Porn Star]

#10 Mindy Lawton - [Occupation: Pancake Waitress]

Oldie: Jamie Jungers - [Occupation: Las Vegas model for Trashygirls.com...no, seriously]

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Oldie: Rachel Uchitel - [Occupation: "model"]

Oldie: Cori Rist - [Occupation: "model"]

Oldie: Ashley Dupre - [Occupation: who the eff knows at this point]

The list was so long I think I began showing symptoms of carpal tunnel so I called it quits. This guy obviously doesn't discriminate, and loves himself a textbook sluntle. Fo' sho.

To lighten up the mood, here's a few Tiger jokes:

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 300 yards.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

Blackberry Messanger 2.0

2009-12-07T11:46:00.004-05:00

Are you still stuck in the dark ages of blackberry messaging? Does the boring, simplistic platform of the original BBM software lead to outlandish conversations like the one above? Welp, it didn't take RIMM long to fix that.

Thank You Ace

Click ^ that. Enter your email address. You'll receive the email on ur bberry. Click the download link in the email, follow the prompts, and become a man.

Your Welcome.

The. Carter.

2009-12-06T15:23:00.001-05:00

No Comment.

2009-12-04T14:07:00.004-05:00

About a week ago I woke up on an island. A mental island. Alone. Surrounding this, cerebral oasis, was a sea of jerks. Jerks who, for for some reason, while aware that all athletes cheat on their wives, were in a state of shock when they found out the #1 athlete in the world indulged in alittle (alot) of infidelity of his own.

Is it because he kinda looks like the kid who's binder you use to steal in middle school and draw penis' all over? Or the buddy you sat alittle extra close to when it came time to take a calc exam?

If so, you may want to consider his current $300,000 a day job, and roughly 20 years of golf-nerd celebacy leading up to it.

Ofcourse the rebuttal is, but his wife is soooo gorgeous, who would do that? Great. Good for her. I know people who have cheated on their girlfriends with telephone poles.

that is all

Pharreal?

2009-12-02T10:15:00.004-05:00

When I hit the mega lotto, I often wonder how I will react; how expeditiously my 'drive' will crumble under my new found wealth. I picture myself becoming absolutely, undeniably worthless. You know, creating things of no value. Starting nonsense companies that steamroll into a brick wall, all so I can say that I'm doing something and not just sitting on my use-to-be sculpted ass. Well, apparently this is what happened to Pharell. He just made this:

Pharell Williams' "Tank Car" will be on display at the Galerie Emmanuel Perrotin next week during Art Basel Miami

Off the Record

2009-12-02T10:08:00.003-05:00

Hometown Bar, during Thanksgiving

Buddy: You know whats wrong with that girl over there?

Ace: no. what?

Buddy: Shes not sitting on my face.

Ace: ..epic

thats not a prank

2009-11-23T16:08:00.004-05:00

Sunday, Buddys apartment

Buddy #1: yea, we use to prank kids pretty hard back in college.

Buddy #2: same, this one time we hid open jugs of milk in one of my fratbrothers room. He couldn't find them for months. His room smelled like a septic tank.

Ace: ha. not bad

Buddy #1: yea that reminds me of this one time when we hid a dead sparrow under my roomates pillow.

Ace: ...what?

Buddy #1: yea, we found this dead sparrow on the street and hid it under his pillow. He slept on that thing for over a week.

Buddy #2: omg. a dead sparrow?? what did he do when he found out

Buddy #1: he pretended like nothing had happened. so, the next day when he left, we threw all his shit out on to the street, and rented the room out to somebody the same day. It was hilarious

Ace: um. dude thats not a prank.

Wake, up

2009-11-19T18:43:00.004-05:00

Ugg, Ascot - $100

Leaky Boobs

2009-11-19T11:03:00.003-05:00

If you read this blog, you probably don't know about any good blogs, so you're in the dark on a lot of shit. Amy Winehouse recently got her knockers...refurbished. Like my Xbox. She was taking some over-the-counter meds, and according to her dad, Wino caught a "leaky breast". The other leaky boob, of course, being herself

"She saw something oozing out on to her top. She was worried as they looked wonky and to see stuff seeping out was horrible."

I figured she would just mixed the titty splooge with a alittle baking soda in the microwave, do her thing, and continue spinning down the same spiral

WTF of The Day

2009-11-18T19:45:00.008-05:00

As I surfed Amazon for some holiday deals I was promptly informed on how I could save 3k on this $30,000 Rolex. Oh and its in stock too? Fucking dolts.

The Cypher - Mos Def, Black Thought, Eminem (2009)

2009-11-18T18:58:00.007-05:00

Remember when listening to Eminem made you rush to the nearest mirror and rap about killing your wife and blowing yourself? Do you recall 'chiefing danks' and telling your boy how secretly ill Mos Def was, and how in-to conscious rap you were? Or how about never really giving a shit about Black Thought? Speaking of B-thought, your from Philly son. The Philthy. Aka, the pisspoor city I hype over NY solely because my job has me stuck here. And you have the nerve to rock a Yankee fitted?

The nerve of this guy.

Anywhoo, this one will really bring you back.

Carmen Electra Sex Tape

2009-11-18T18:33:00.004-05:00

Nah, not really. But sorta. It's allover the net today though. And also allover my roomate's computer screen, with an XL bottle of lotion accompanying the keyboard, which is where I was made aware of the video's existence. I texted him about it, he denied having any knowledge on the matter. As for the video itself, Electra performs some poor excuse for a dance, and for some reason no one will fix the scratched cd playing in the background. Yadda Yadda, she and some other sluntle strip down to lingerie and make out. Then some clown shows up. Then its over.

Truth be told, if I wanted to see women with their clothing on not having sex I certainly wouldn't be on my computer.

Ace Hiatus

2009-11-17T10:10:00.003-05:00

Dear Readers,

Chef here, it's been a long time. Yesterday, while staring at my computer screen pretending to do work at my office I received a text from Ace:

Ace, txt: Yoasshole. Your not doing anything with life, start posting again.

I asked him why. He told me he was unavailable. I then asked if he'd mind me building a castle out of the sand in his vagina. He didn't laugh.

It sounds as though his activity will be alittle sporadic for a bit. Though I'm sure he'll have more than enough time to correct my posts, and censor the onslaught of nudity I intend to put up.

It feels good to be back.

5'6, 144 Lbs. of Philippino Glory

2009-11-15T08:52:00.004-05:00

"MANILA, Philippines – Manny Pacquiao barged into boxing immortality by outgunning, outsmarting, and brutally busting up and stopping a game Miguel Cotto in their welterweight showdown at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas to become the first boxer in history to win seven world titles in as many weight classes."

No more than a few months ago, Manny Pacquiao only weighed 102 pounds. My girlfriend is 5'5, nearly 100 lbs. I'm basically dating Manny Pacquiao. Big ups to the Philippines. Next stop, pretty boy floyd.

English Girl With Tourrettes Stuck With "N" Word...

2009-11-14T12:10:00.007-05:00

For me, thanks to the likes of ...every rapper on earth except Will Smith, the "n" word has lost some of its veracity. And calling it the "n" word also makes me queasy. And the idea of being offended by some old-fashioned southerner using it, whose never picked up a pencil and follows it with a "darn tootin", seems, well, dumb. Which brings me to this girl in London, who had me urinating all over the briefs I haven't taken off in two days.

Got Cake?

2009-11-14T10:19:00.004-05:00

Meet the #1 rated Exotic Sports Car of 2009, the Lamborghini Murcielago. I'm convinced there are 5 ways to drive one of these: 1) Your a professional athlete, 2) top actor/musician 3) selling drugs or weapons of mass destruction on the black market, 4) running a sarcastically illegal financial company, and or 5) effing one of the aforementioned people, hard. The ace in the whole of course is that it will run you $354,000 - $382,400 and get a remarkable 8 mpg City and 13 mpg Highway. Meanwhile the new Prius gets 48/51 mpg, respectively. Granted you have to love the smell of your own flatulence to own a Prius, or be pardoned because you are Larry David.

Where's My Money

2009-11-12T20:44:00.003-05:00

By the Way

2009-11-12T20:16:00.003-05:00

Dear Shmuckos

It makes everyone uneasy when you stroll into the pre-game on Sat night in your 6 year old Asics. And washing them in bleach isn't fooling anyone.

Clark Desert Boot - $95

Paper

2009-11-12T19:54:00.005-05:00

Net Worth

Hova: $547 MM

50: $440 MM

Sean: $385 MM

- forbes

Mike Tysons Punch Out

2009-11-12T10:21:00.004-05:00

No, this has nothing to do with the unforgettable original Nintendo game. It does however have a dickload to do with iron Mike knocking bitches the fucks out.

Last night at LAX, Mike was cuffed after getting in an altercation according to the LA times. Tyson was with his daughter and apparently, some jackass ate his Wheaties and had the urge to get in Mikes grillpeice. Challenging him, following him to the bathroom, and so on. Mike reports the guy threw the first punch, the guy suggests otherwise. Regardless, homie quickly found himself riding bitch to the nearest hospital. They pressed charges against eachother, Mike's out of lockup, the other dude is still in the hospital.

Obviously this idiot hasn't ever seen Jurassic Park. When your face to face with a man-eating, primordial monster, especially when accompanied by their young, you're suppose to stay still, jerk. Everyone knows if you stand motionless in front of Mike he can't see you, duh.

In Yahoo News

2009-11-10T09:42:00.006-05:00

Joe Cada is the youngest player to win the World Series of Poker in its 40 year history. The 21 year old Shelby Township, Mich, poker professional "who chose cards over college won the World Series of Poker main event in Las Vegas this morning winning 8.55 MM.

Things I'd do with 8.55 mm

- Have Tyler Perry murdered

- Dismantle Facebook's new Chat Application

- Add the 2-finger mouse scroll thing from Macs, to every PC, while criticizing Mac owners

- Buy 2 pair of every Jordan

- bet $50,000 against the Knicks

- and probably put the rest in my Tdbank Savings only for them to take it from me due to adjusting computer systems. Die Td

Is "Empire State of Mind" the new "New York, New York"

2009-11-09T17:51:00.003-05:00

Katt Williams pulls a Winona

2009-11-09T14:48:00.003-05:00

And you though the recession was effing your shit up. AP reported today that Katt Williams was arrested for breaking an entering a home in Georgia lastnight. I know, right?! The homeowner hollered at 911 after they caught Katt grabbing items from their home. The comedian, currently with the #8 comedy DVD in America, is still in jail today. Though this isn't Katt's first. Last year he was pulled over for speeding and cops found 3 guns in his whip.

But for real, picture walking into your home and this famous pimped out midget was taking all your shit. I wouldn't know whether to attack, call the police, applaud, or roll a blunt.

Katt's rep said his client's suffering from 'exhaustion'.

An Open Letter to Cheryl David

2009-11-09T11:02:00.006-05:00

Dear Succubus,

Hop off Larry's nuts. The man YOU dumped is spoon feeding you a primetime role to rescucitate your non-existent career and all we're getting is beef and attitude? Sorry Ma, but your aged good looks will only take you so far. Does your jaw remind me of a horse a little? Yea, it does. So, be easy before Leon gets in that ass, leaves a snickers wrapper, spits, and writes "Leon was here" allover the walls.

Krup You,
Ace

The Carter - Documentary [sundance]

2009-11-08T12:42:00.005-05:00

BELL & ROSS BR 01-92 RADAR

2009-11-08T12:37:00.002-05:00

Its a Wonderful Day in the Neighborhood

2009-11-08T09:46:00.003-05:00

Allow me to be the first to holler at the city of Pittsburgh for recently unveiling their homage to Mister Rogers, entitled, "Tribute to Chilrden". Yea, it does resemble more of a tribute to, say, dog poo, but whatev this guy was on point. Remember?

Anyway, at the very least, they won't have to clean bird shit off this thing because it will blend right in.

I Can Transform Ya - Chris Brown feat. Wayne & Swizz Beats

2009-11-08T09:24:00.003-05:00

In the Pin Sharin Showers

2009-11-08T08:55:00.003-05:00

I must be really disconnected from the life of a former drug dealer turned obnoxiously famous rapper.

In 2007, Wayne forgot he wasn't in the Nolia and opted to smoke a blunt in the middle of a street in New York. To no ones surprise, he was promptly arrested, and police found a .40-caliber pistol on the 4 time Grammy Award-winning artist. Last Thursday, he plead guilty and is expecting to receive a 1 year sentence in February.

Winter Coat Wackness.

2009-11-08T08:31:00.005-05:00

Let me guess: You thought the peacoat you just copped would hype your Winter game, right? Wrong. Yes, trashing that bubble North Face and the Patagonia bullshit was a start. Problem is, your newly acquired oversized Peacoat just isn't gonna cut it this season junior. I mean, look at the clutz at the top. He's got a so-called coat on fit for Shaq, with a pink crew neck. Get a clue son. But your probably wondering, "well, then, whats the move Ace?"

The days of dressing like a gene splice of Ghostface and your 8th grade gym teacher are over. Skip a couple baggies next weekend, save a few bucks, and grow up.

Thank You Amazon.com

2009-11-08T08:27:00.000-05:00

M-E-T-H-O-D...MANNNNNN

2009-10-25T16:36:00.005-04:00

Move over Bernie, there's a new Ace favorite in town. Meet Zhenil Ye Gon. On Friday, your boy Z was taking a load off in his Mexico City mansion when a group of dickhead police decided to crash the party and nab the 205 million dollars he had in cash. Yes, you read that correctly, shortydoowop had 205 MILLLLIIOONNN DOOLLLARRRSSSS IN CASHHHHHHHHH.... Lovely. When I have 3 bucks in my wallet I'm checking my should for pickpocketers.

And in case you've been laid off or otherwise smacked by the recession, perhaps you may consider selling "tons of chemicals used to make methamphetamine on the black market", as Zhenil told police. Personally? I'm more of a rum&cokesUntilI'mUrinatingAlloverPeoplesApartments kinda guy. But, yaknow, whatever cooks your grits I always say.

Lohan vs. Blowhan

2009-10-21T11:26:00.004-04:00

Granted, we all get older. But its never easy seeing oneself a decade ago. Unfortunately for Hoehan, that shot on the left was 3 years ago. I use to have friends that told me Lindsay Lohan was hot; a regular in their 'alone time' wheelhouse. Frankly, I never saw what they saw in her, but now, she's merely an artifact in their mental Rolodex. An afterthought, annexed to the "ehh, I'd still f her" column that so many of my buddies gloss over with little regard. Ofcourse, in that same collective you'll find unexpected overweights from high school that wore a particularly revealing shirt one day in Health they can't shake from their memory banks. Yea, I hangout with scumbuckets. Wanna fight about it?

Bitches Be Cuhrazy.

2009-10-21T11:01:00.004-04:00

Steve Philips

Brooke Hundley

You may, or may not know who Steve Philips is, but he's currently an ESPN analyst and is the former Mets General Manager. I'll keep it short

1. Steve once took a leave of absence following a sexual harassment suit for having sex with a team employee - Rosa Rodriguez.

2. He then starting plowing Brooke Hundley - 22 year old production assistant at ESPN.

3. He told Brooke shit was over.

4. Fyi, Steve's been married the entire time.

5. Brooke writes letter to Steve's wife, discussing their loveless marriage, and her and Steve's subsequent affair. The Letter

6. After delivering the letter, Brooke 'accidentally' smashes her car into a stone pillar after zipping away from Steve's residence.

7. Brooke continues calling Steve's wife threatening, "we both can't have him"

8. Brooke makes a fake Facebook account, claiming she's 16, and friends Steve's son to get closer to the fam.

Yea, what a wacko. But I'm confused as to why men of power cannot, for the life of them, help but cheat on their wives with mediocre subordinates. It be like throwing my ps3 and flat screen out the window only to replace it with a 10 inch tube and original nintendo, without Super Mario. What a dipshit. Eitherway, the moral of the story is, bitches, be, batshit.

Peubs in Your Chinese Food 101

2009-10-21T08:44:00.003-04:00

Show me a roach infested whole in the wall with a #2 pencil in some dry rice on the counter, and I'll show you an Ace eager to purchase some good ol' fashioned General Tsao's. And yesterday evening I got alittle fancy; Chose to top it off with a healthy serving of pork fried rice and beef lo mein (im watching the calories), even throwing in a few fried chicken wings doused in 'ha sauce'. As I sat down to watch The Mummy 382407143, staring at my plastic container ripe with MSG - which I'd later be washing and saving as tupperware - I was ready for anything: ants, flies, a ladybug perhaps, who knows. Insects are a fixture of the chinese delicassy I am prepared to maneuver around. It wasn't until several bites in, that I noticed my curly black homie.

ringg

Chows Panda King: ahh, hewo. Thankhhuu fo calling Chow Panda King how may I hep uuuu

Ace: yea, I just got a delivery from u guys and found a hair in my general tsoa's chicken

CPK: ohh okk, 1 ordaa of General Tsoa's. Okay, combo platta? Spwing Woll?

Ace: what?! no, no, I already GOT the delivery. ...ughh..fuck, me.... No, I already bought the dinner, there was a hair in it. A peubic hair in fact.

CPK: For derivery?

Ace: uh, yea?

CPK: okkkayy, would u like drink wit that?

Ace: ...okay. No. I don't want a drink. I don't want another meal. I have someone's under arm, or genital hair in my general tsao's here at my apartment already. I know you have my apt # on file. This was like 10 MINTUES AGO!

CPK: large o small?

click....

The strange part of it all is that Asian body's are, fortunately for them, hairless. My korean buddy doesn't even wear deodorant. So, I don't get it. Are they importing these hairs? It escapes me how a peubic hair makes its way to my general tsao's chicken. Are these guys just smacking off and cooking all at once? What the fuck is going on behind that bullet proof window? I guess we will never know. What I do know is, next time, I am cracking, effing, skulls. Belee dat

Why Bob Marley Shoud Not Have Acted As His Own Attorney

2009-10-21T08:41:00.002-04:00

Bored?

2009-10-16T11:32:00.003-04:00

How About Some Dumb Quotes

If you go to clown college, what do you call the funniest guy in class?

If it ain't broke, then you need to fix your grammar

If money can't buy happiness, shouldn't pizza, pot & sex be free?

Air Ace

2009-10-16T10:54:00.003-04:00

I don't know about you, but sometimes I see some little snotnoze sporting sneakers I use to bring the house down with, and all i wanna do is slap them in the mouth. And by bring down the house I mean either sit on the bench during a bball game, or spill slush puppies on. Moot. Point is, there was nothing like stepping foot into that stale smelling middle school, waiting...no, dying, for some beatup-newbalance-wearing shmuck to congratulate you on your parent's new purchase. And the beauty of it was, these prizes weren't restricted to shorts and a court or game of tag. Nah, these were with everything: khakis, oversized button downs, suits (if you could slip it by the rents), whatever. A real walk down memory lane. Oh, and p.s. I never did the no-homo Sambas.

I Don't Care

2009-10-15T21:32:00.003-04:00

Blah blah blah, Meghan Mccain put these wrinkly? mis-shapen? things on her twitter page. Attention must be scarce at the Mccain estate. Anyway, some one immediately called her a slut on twitter and she's threatning to 'quit' the site. I hate twitter to no end. Besides, they look like her dad standing next to himself.

A BBM Convo

2009-10-13T22:12:00.005-04:00

berry buzzes

Buddy, BBM: wow.

Ace, BBM: sup soonn

Buddy: got wrapped up in some strange ass lastnight

Ace: uh ohh. sounds like a whole lotta you not closing

Buddy: don't be so sure about that

Ace: right

Buddy: Okay. so, I decide to roll out solo. Just to get a few drafts in me yaknow?

Ace: underated, that move is

Buddy: There I am, just sittin at the bar, puttin them back when this oversized girl starts chatting it up with me

Ace: and we're off.

Buddy: Couple minutes go by, then.. Her buddy rolls in. Bout a 6.68

Ace: that'll play. continue

Buddy: right. So I starts does'n work. about an hour later, i've now got big country puttin in a good word for me with the buddy. The buddy was aloof though, not givin me much. So i step to her and go, "What are we gonna do about this chemistry".

Ace: good grief what an opener. okay...

Buddy: so she goes, "haha.. uh, what chemistry?" I go, lets play darts and have a drink. So we do.

Ace: darts? abort mission homie. wat the fuck, Darts?!

buddy: here me out. I preface the game with this: "okay so, if I win, we continue the party at your place over a few drinks"... She's like, "haha..uh, okayy.. and if I win?!".. I go, "if you win? we go to your place and fuck."

Ace: I just wet my pants. I don't believe this

Buddy: Next thing I know, it's 6am, shit has been hot and heavy for hours, I get bored of the whole thing, get up in the middle of it, tell her i gotta go got class in the morning, she's like "yea, cool" , and I go home.

Ace: ...please, pretty please, tell me I didn't just listen to that story

buddy: yea, no, I didn't get laid.

Ace: from the bottom of my heart, I hate you

Am I Missing Something?

2009-10-08T10:42:00.002-04:00

Either this woman is eating the souls of all these children she's adopting, or her plastic surgeon deserves the nobel, pulitzer, a grammy, emmy and Moonman. Really Isn't Madonna like 81?

The Hova Entourage Finale Song

2009-10-05T09:15:00.005-04:00

Your welcome Loic

Throw Back

2009-10-04T09:38:00.001-04:00

2009-10-01T23:07:00.003-04:00

Vintage

2009-10-01T14:51:00.004-04:00

Chris Brown Feat. Wayne & Swizz - I Can Transform Ya

2009-10-01T10:16:00.004-04:00

If you want it, email us at fratombomb@gmail.com

Nutjob in the criddib

2009-09-30T11:15:00.009-04:00

It's 9:30 pm and I'm standing outside my building in a hoodie, mesh shorts from high school and beatup high tops waiting for delivery service; green delivery service. Anyway, as Harvey rolls up we both notice a police van nearby, and decide to move our transaction elsewhere.

Harvey: sup stranger

Ace: sup Harvey!?

Harvey: thats not my name.

Ace: I'm feelin this song u got goin right now, "On To the Next One" is the hottest on the album though. Oh, and I just need 1

Harvey: Yea, its aight. I'm really a Capadonna guy though.. Oh, I got this hot mdma shit, you could sample that jaunt ("jaunt", philly pronunciation for joint) for free, right here. Like, right, here. AND I got piff if you fillin that.

Ace: Yea. No. Its Tuesday. I'm all set on that.

Sauntering from the 2009 Benz to my apt, 1 "ill Cali jumpoff" gram heavier, I notice 2 police officers chatting it up with my door man. Now, if I was 16, I'd have shit my black CK briefs with the hole right then and there. Instead, I dids my thing:

Ace: Whats going on guys?

Cop #1: sir, what's in your closet.

As you can imagine, I am now 16 years old again, clutching my recent purchase with a tight, sweaty fist in my pocket, looking for a way out of this conversation. Quick. Rather, again, I played it cool.

Ace:: well, remember guys, I'm in a duplex. So, if your trying to figure out a particular apt arrangment, I'm not sure I can be of any help.

Cop #2: Ahh, okay. We're just trying to gain access into a resident's closet but not sure what to expect.

Ace:: is there a problem?

Cop #1: leans in...well, on the top floor of the South portion of the building, we've been made aware of a ..challenged... resident, who we've since apprehended. There was, lewd writing all over his walls, blood, and unmentionable..."stuff"... scattered across the floor and bathroom.

Yea, "what the fuck?!" is right. Thank the stars I live on the North Side of the Building. As if this interaction wasn't miserable enough, I'm now checking my shoulder for a batshit murderer lurking the hallways.

It was nothing alittle Madden 2010 couldn't cure though, beeleedat.

Mad Drugs.

2009-09-30T09:25:00.002-04:00

Paula Abdul is somewhere rolling her eyes with her arms folded:

The M.E. said they found cocaine (crack or powder), OxyContin, Xanax, Vicodin, Ativan, Benadryl, Klonopin and Levamisole (a drug used to cute cocaine). Of course, the M.E. wouldn't say whether or not DJ AM had any prescriptions for the stuff found in his system.

Good Burger

2009-09-28T18:56:00.002-04:00

Keanan and M. Fox on SNL

How Good is Curb

2009-09-28T11:17:00.004-04:00

Sunday night is officially HBO night. Hangover's worn off, your girl's in sweatpants, delivery food is all set, it is now time to allow Larry David and the boys from queens to do there thing.

Finally, we're through with Vivica and co. Don't get me wrong, I'm down with Fox, but not when she's effin with my LD vibe. Leon is here to stay, and in less than 7 days, my other favorite television show - Seinfeld - will somehow come back on air in the midst of my second favorite show. So, shit is sweet right now.

But HBO didn't stop there. It's official: we're through with anorexic Ashley. Big ups to Marky Mark. Sure, I haven't yet figured out who's a worse actor: Adrian Grenier or Vince, but that's neither here nor there. Stuff like the itchy E situation was on point enough to tickle my funny bone and keep me watching. As was the clip of Ari, Vince, and Matt Damon afterwards (seen below).

Final recap on SundayHBONight is the new show with jason schwartzman and ted dansen - i'm assuming I butchered those last names but don't feel like looking it up, so, fuckoff. Anyway, the premise of the show is, Schwartzman has just decided to pose as a private eye, though unlicensed, putting himself and his services out on craigslist. Kinda funny, the bearded guy from The Hangover is in it (can't pronounce or spell his name whatsoever). Gonna need another week to make my decision.

But yea,below is this Adrian Grenier, Matt Damon, Jeremy Piven thing. The video was apparently leaked by someone saying they got their hands on it from the Entourage set, while Damon was trying to plug this onexone charity he's a part of. It was then put on youtube, and I guess HBO thinks the world is not smart enough to pickup on a ploy to get attention prior to their season finale. We're not morons for corn's sake. Eitherway, it's kinda good, and I am going to watch next week, which, well, makes me a moron.

Meet the Mayor of East Cleveland - Eric Brewer

2009-09-25T14:38:00.003-04:00

This is Eric J. Brewer. He became East Cleveland's fourth elected CEO on Jan 1st, in 06, and now presides over a city that was removed from fiscal emergency one month after he took office. He is known for his "tough stance towards employee unions".

As luck would have it, this is Eric J. Brewer's tough stance in pumps. Miss Erica if your nasty. Your boy EB hasn't yet denied, or verified these photos yet, but claimed his opponent leaked these pictures in an attempt to sway voters. Which pretty much lets voters know Lieutenant Obvious isn't qualified for the position in the first place.

Thanks For Coming Out

2009-09-24T19:25:00.003-04:00

This should help you feel good about yourself: Tiger Woods made 110MM last year. Thats over 300,000 a day. Have fun at work tomorrow.

FMYLIFE.COM

2009-09-24T19:22:00.003-04:00

Stumbled on this gem as I was contemplating writing a post that would end in, "fuck my life". Turns out, someone already beat me to the punch.

http://www.fmylife.com/

Dear Lamar

2009-09-24T18:22:00.002-04:00

Nice job buddy.

Sincerely
Ace

Forever - Video

2009-09-23T15:04:00.000-04:00

Finally!

2009-09-23T12:38:00.003-04:00

http://www.gaythugdating.com

I don't know if I can believe their claim to being #1 because I haven't seen the rest of the Gay Thug Dating Community yet, but they've got to be pretty damn close.

Easy Does It Ladies.

2009-09-23T11:56:00.005-04:00

No, my city doesn't look anything like this. But, that is not to say the mean streets of Philthydelphia aren't cluttered with antsy chicks ready to throw on those Uggz in a mini skirt. Ladies, please, for me, cool your effing jets. The cold weather is close enough without you dressing up like a furry doofus to remind me. It would be like putting on sun tan lotion and hopping in a freezer - its retarded and backwards. So, again, holdoff just alittle more, I know you can do it.

What Happened To That Boy

2009-09-23T00:21:00.001-04:00

uhh.. F*ck You Pandora

2009-09-22T22:54:00.008-04:00

Dear Pandora.com

I thought we had a thing. I thought we were sticking it to the man, together. But noooooooo, you went and shit smelly hail pellets allover my parade. And a 40 hour limit?! It takes 39 hours for the fucking page to load. Luckily for me, your techies are a bunch of nerdy dickbags that are probably still adjusting their eyes to sunlight and the sight of other humans, clearly having forgot to prevent me from just signing up under a different email.

Ace

How to Eff Your Daughter 101

2009-09-22T14:40:00.002-04:00

Did you know Hulk's real name is Terry? Well it is, and despite the 6'8, 'roided out build, that kinda name is going to go ahead and emasculate your shit. That aside, has anyone here ever seen their dad lotion down his daughter in a bikini? With such focus near the dumper? Lets hope not. As if the fact that we're looking at a combined height of over 13 feet here wasn't bad enough. C'mon brother.

Throwback Jam of the day

2009-09-22T14:21:00.003-04:00

Weezer - Undone (The Sweater Song)

Mordechi's Picks - Week 3 Predictions

2009-09-22T14:04:00.003-04:00

From here on out, contributor Mordechi will be offering his weekly picks as he recently let me know that his shit was on the money. I laughed, he didn't, and so I realized he was completely serious.

titans +2

texans -4 (bet heavy)

Ravens -13 (add them moneyline to any parlay... they are a lock vs the browns)

giants -7 (like it, but i would tease the giants down to -3)

redskins -6 1/2 (like it but i would tease it down to -3)

packer -6 1/2 (load up against the rams... packs are looking for revenge and no one better for them to do that against than the rams)

vikings -7 (take the moneyline or tease them down to 2 1/2)

falcons +4 (bet big)

bears -1 (Eh)

saints -4 1/2 (BET THE MORTGAGE, saints will win this game by at least 2 tds)

raiders -1 1/2 (not excited about this game)

cowboys -9 1/2 (the boys will win, but they aren't winning by by more than a touchdown, tease them down to 6 1/2, or take the money line...)

Brought to you by Mordechi

10:00 PM

2009-09-20T13:13:00.002-04:00

WTF of the Day

2009-09-20T10:15:00.003-04:00

People in the public are often moron assholes, and these two do not disappoint. Lamar Odom and the Incredible Hulkdashian have been stuffin uglies for a few weeks now and word has it, there getting married. Let's hope commissioner Stern hires additional security to prevent the front-row Goblin from eating the refs.

ugh.

2009-09-20T07:44:00.004-04:00

I wanna say hipsters have been doing this fo, eva, but I won't. I also wanna say that 6 foot 7 mutants shouldn't wear cardigans, but I shan't. And I especially won't comment on the ironic glasses that stars now have such a chubby for. But it would appear that every male celeb went on a shopping spree in Gayfish's closet and I'm sick of it.

New Track: "Jackass" - Obama (kanye Diss)

2009-09-16T12:19:00.002-04:00

"C'mon guys, cut the president some slack, I got alot of stuff on my plate" - Bama

That's what Obama had to say once he realized he had called Gayfish a Jackass, on tape. Anyway, this will be the last post regarding the shitfest otherwise known as the VMAs. If you ask me, the entire thing was staged as fuck. And poorly staged at that. Ofcourse, the initial execution was flawless leaving the likes of Beyonce, Taylor Swift, Kanye, Jay-z, and Jay Leno collectively as the top searches on-line for a week. Though, when looking at the entire event as a whole, it's all too obvious how orchestrated things were, and I feel like a dunce having gone along for the ride. Here's obama below:

I'm good on that.

2009-09-15T16:29:00.005-04:00

I remember a time when smoking weed was an escape. Looking back, it was probably some combination of pure habit, and a subconscious fleet from any and all problems. At 24 however, it is a fucking nightmare.

Above you will notice a graph, courtesy of paintbrush.exe. This represents highness in terms of paranoia and age; the ebb and flow of my 'bugginout' from pothead infancy to now, and as you can see, I am no longer a very chill guy.

Too many pulls of the wacky and I get way too hungry for a mid-twenties motabolism, overworry about legitimate issues, and if with friends, typically have to hear about their std concerns.

I ask you, why the hell would I 'escape' the everyday stresses of sobriety to this mental, circus-like land of hysteria and disease chit chatter. Thanks, but its not for me.

So, sure, 1 hit is fine. But after that, I'm good.

Shot Out to Patrick Swayze

2009-09-15T08:39:00.005-04:00

P Swayze was butter, end of story. He died today, at home, 57, after a long bout with cancer.

What other guy could cut rug and put chicks on smash from the afterlife quite as hard as Swayze? The answer is no one. So, don't let those classically 80s good looks fool you, poppa was a rollin stone.

Kanye on Leno

2009-09-15T07:47:00.004-04:00

Kanye, RiRi and H.O. were supposed to perform lastnight on Leno, and they did, in spite of a certain homoereticFish's actions the previous night. Right before their performance, Kanye wanted to get on stage and have a few words:

Here's the performance:

Lastnight, in Pics

2009-09-14T11:14:00.002-04:00

I think it's safe to say shorty's a lightweight

Yea???

awww, not so much

Perry still gettin his

"Shit I made the Yankee hat more famous than a Yankee can"

Lil Ma does her Kanye Impression

2009-09-14T10:44:00.003-04:00

After flipping back to the VMA's from a mind numbingly bad episode of Entourage, it was made even clearer as to how miserable MTVs security team is. It would seem any little critter desperate for attention had the green light to make an asshole of themselves on stage. First, a gay fish was permitted to run amuck, then, at the close of Hova/Keys' performance, one hoodish troll crawled her way into a little face time of her own. Like your friend's smelly dog that's always tryna hop on the couch with you, H.O. shoo'd the midget away, but inestad, Lil Ma decided to strike a pose. Notice the "I am going to locate this little troll's bridge and set fire to it" expression on Jay's face. No one is quite sure how this happened, but my guess is she flew out of Gaga's face nest.

2009-09-14T10:11:00.000-04:00

i think kanye has some screws loose

2009-09-14T01:05:00.007-04:00

It pisses me off when people inform me about shit I'm well aware of - so i won't do that. What I will do is mention that Fishticks is off the reservation. The swirly hairdo move should've tipped me off, but things weren't clear until something told him to storm the stage and babble nonsense as if on a mission to sell less albums. Here's what Pink had to say:

Fishdick fled to "the crib", and before the show was over had already gotten his caps-lock on, on his blog.

Michael flexin' on a moped Broad

2009-09-10T17:38:00.001-04:00

Nobody Nose.

2009-09-07T12:16:00.003-04:00

Buddy BBM, 3 days ago: did you read this article about Yut on gawker?

Ace: considering I don't does yut, nah. Unless you gots yo'self a grr.

Buddy: no really, this is bad.

After the dumb back and forth between my buddy and I, I decided to look some shit up becuase many a' friend of mine can't even begin toleave their homes without a 'ticket'. Or is it a 'favor'? Whatever.

According to almost every news medium on Earth, "nearly a third of all cocaine seized in the US is laced with a dangerous veterinary medicine - a livestock de-worming drug that enhances the drug's effects but is blamed for deaths and scores of serious illness across users."

The culprit, Levamisole, in addition to de-worming animals, can be used to treat colorectal cancer but severely weakens the body's immune system "leaving patients vulnerable to fatal infections." Apparently the shit gives users a more intense high, increasing levels of dopamine, the brains "feel me good" neurotransmitters.

So yea, 30% of all coke seizures are tainted with this stuff and "most physicans know virtually zero about the risks".

The idea is that manufacturers, or Columbians, are adding Levamisole before the yat is smuggled to the US and Canada to be sold as choch or crack.

Ofcourse journalist are somehow relating this to the recession, blaming economic pressures to be the catalyst behind raised prices and lowered street-level purity; using the de-worming additive to boost an otherwise budget ass product.

Symptoms may surface as widespread rashes and other "maladies" - whatever the hell a malady is - and ensuing death.

On the bright side though, not only won't you be tired, you definitely won't have worms. Problem is, then you die.

Choke a Bitch 101

2009-09-07T11:19:00.004-04:00

When your 6'4, on steroids and play in the Nfl and your girlfriend is 4'11, I imagine it difficult to avoid a strangle sesh once in a blue moon. Well, last night the stars were aligned, and Nguyen (Tila Tequila) felt the backlash of dating a grizzly bear with one hundred thousand liters of horse testosterone pumped into his veins. Shorty was taken to the hospital, while Shawn Merriman - of the San Diego Charges - said he was just trying to keep her from drunk driving. Yep, and the Manson family was just trying to combat an overpopulation epidemic in the US.

It Must Be Nice.

2009-09-07T10:33:00.005-04:00

Hm. Sit in apt on Labor day staring at a wall, or make 86MM in 2008 while my wife made 82 MM amidst dropping the most anticipated hip hop album of 2009? Son, of, a, bitch. Atleast I can stick it to this asshole just alittle bit by pirating his album.

So I downloaded the Blueprint 3 Torrent on Thurs, and my Bose joints have been bellowing the shit throughout my apartment for roughly 72 hours, in a desperate attempt to find something I can mouth at myself in the mirror to, while aiming gun-hands at the reflection of a 24 year old gone mad. Unsuccessful, in my quest, would be the understatement of this eon.

Look, I get the whole "i'm grown up, I don't necessarily need to tell you my rims are 24 inches anymore, in fact they ain't as I stick to stock Bentleys" shtick. Ofcourse, instead, I end up getting an earful about how Hova no longer "runs hip hop" but "runs the map" now. Somebody needs to fetch this guy a Venti coffee, bag of yola or SOMETHING to knock the jiggaman out this coma he seemed to slip into on Blueprint 3.

It's pretty clear Hova is over rap. And the next gen of hip hop aren't making me hopeful in the slightest. T.I? yawn. Wayne, okay fine but I rarely understand what he's saying. Drizzy Drake? Son, you were on Degrassi. I'm from a suburb in fairfield county Ct and I'm harder than you. What happened to being from crooklyn, or the slums of shoalin?

Getting back to the album, it's painfully obvious that Jiggas fed up with just about everything. Lukewarmth overtakes the listener immediately with the albums opener.

You've got Death of Autones, ehh, heard it a milly times. And at the mention of "this ain't for iTunes, this ain't for singalongs", I'm now almost compelled to wholeheartedly agree.

Dunny just sounds grumpy, letting me know that it must be incredibly boring at the top. And with that 40th birfday coming up, I don't see Jayz ever regaining that fire that once burnt a fuckin whole in the asshole of my Levis. "No, I'm not a Jonas brother, I'm a grown-up". Thanks for clearing that one up for us.

He does offer unsatisfied fans like myself a slap in the face though in "On to the Next One" when he goes: Hov on that new shit, niggas like how come//
Niggas want my old shit... buy my old album

I'll admit, that one raised the pulse a bit, but on the whole I was left with nothing but frustration and an onslaught of bitching by the GF to "turn that wack shit off".

Here's the tracklist.

1. "What We Talkin' About" (feat. Luke Steele) //Kanye West
2. "Thank You" // Kanye West
3. "D.O.A. (Death of Auto-Tune)"
4. "Run This Town" (feat. Rihanna and Kanye West) //Kanye West,
5. "Empire State of Mind" (feat. Alicia Keys)
6. "Real as It Gets" (feat. Young Jeezy)
7. "On to the Next One" (feat. Swizz Beatz)// Swizz Beatz 4:17
8. "Off That" (feat. Drake) // Timbaland
9. "A Star Is Born" (feat. J. Cole)// Kanye West
10. "Venus vs. Mars" // Timbaland
11. "Already Home" (feat. Kid Cudi)// Kanye West
12. "Hate" (feat. Kanye West)// Kanye West
13. "Reminder" // Timbaland
14. "So Ambitious" (feat. Pharrell)// The Neptunes
15. "Young Forever" (feat. Mr Hudson)// Kanye West

ACE'S PICKS: THANK YOU, EMPIRE STATE OF MIND, ON TO THE NEXT ONE, HATE, SO AMBITIOUS

All in all, those are the only jams I'd feel comfortable blasting at a party. Everything else, to use track 8's phrasing, I'm off that.

New Spiddot

2009-09-07T08:47:00.001-04:00

Having finally made the leap from a broke ass, mouse infested building to a new apt, I can now officially get back to wasting time on The Bomb in the comfort of my fresh diggs. Sure, my spot is located on the fringe of the geighborhood in the City, and granted, at 4am in the morn you can hear the faint whisper of tranny hookers scouring the streets for married men with an ironic affinity for Titty AND Peen all at once. But I embrace the gays, ladyboys and alike, for they offer me a greater sense of... appreciation? What use to be attitude from any given cashier, is now replaced with a warm cup of coffee and maybe a wink. But don't get me wrong, I'm not the kinda guy that thinks every geigh isn't tryna eff me. Though, the same cannot however be said for the boisterous trans' of the AM, but whatever floats your boat I always say. Regardless, Larry the doorman assured me that this is the most happening place to live in the city, adding that whenever my Gf is around he'll try to have sex with her. So, to Larry and the Geighs, thanx.

Thank the Heavenly Stars

2009-08-30T11:54:00.003-04:00

E's awful girl is finished. Oh, and she use to look like this:

Moral of the story? Ladies, quit your day job, holler at an eating disorder, and you'll be all set to ruin a television series for 5 weeks.

And the 2nd lesson for today is, once you've starred on an HBO series, I guess you're allow to just go ahead leave t-shirts in the closet:

Lastly, I STILL lose sleep over having dealt with this schmucko for a month:

Dear Jada

2009-08-30T11:29:00.003-04:00

Call me cuhhrazy, but I'm not tottallyyy sure taking smokey candids is the best move after cops raided your apartment and found "5 grams of heroin, 6.5 pounds of marijuana and $40,000 in cash." But ya'know, as I always say, Do You. As far as police are concerned, somehow, their apparently is no warrant for your arrest. So I guess, you most recently telling me, in the Who's Real (remix) that you've been "moving that Vanna White before Sajak" is still kosher. Recession resmeshin.

One,
Ace

It's '09, do you know where your children are?

2009-08-30T11:13:00.003-04:00

Sex offenders are hyped right now. With the recent introduction of Elmo Tickle Hands to the market, thick mustache having, windowless black van owning, pedophiles across the country are antsy as fucks. Why unbuckle a pair of overalls barehanded, when you could do it wearing fluffy red fur bearing the face of a neurotic muppet?!

Drake ft. Kanye, Wayne, Eminem - Forever

2009-08-29T16:15:00.003-04:00

Young Mula Babaayyy has done it once more, but this time they have chosen to include Gayfish and OvertheHillinem. The track's called Forever, and here's how I'd rate the verses:

1. Drake - a surprising nod to the former Degrassi, brokeass ACL character for managing to reference Finding Nemo, G5 jets, Neno Brown and chemotherapy in one verse.

2. Fishticks - this one was a toughy, because Wayne is in a close third.

3. Wayne

4. Marshal - It's like admitting that your preist touches little boys peens. Thats how painful it is to listen to this guy rap now a' days.

Michael is ALIVE!!!!

2009-08-27T08:28:00.002-04:00

Here me out, okay? KTLA is the CW affiliate in Los Angeles. They carry every Clipper game, and use to carry the Dodgers and one of their anchors is banging the mayor. In other words, its a legit station. And apparently they thought of enough of this video, below, to put up on their site. It allegedly shows MJ, alive and healthy, when he is supposed to be, well, the complete opposite.

Lego Voltron

2009-08-23T21:58:00.001-04:00

A Slunt in a Nutshell

2009-08-22T11:10:00.002-04:00

Okay. Lets see:

Blotchy Orange Catchers Mit Skin? Check

Cigarette in hand? Check

Scruffy Dbag enroute? Check

No Bra? Doule Check

Trying to be something she absolutely isn't, plus lip collagen? Check

Faking a desire for privacy, when SHE informed the paparazzi on her whereabouts? Check

Yep, all thats missing is a down spiraling staircase and this shot would pretty much sum Hohan up.

Now Hiring - Fan Holder Position

2009-08-22T11:01:00.002-04:00

Imagine walking onto a movie set expecting to fetch coffee, make copies among a laundry list of other degrading menial tasks, only to be asked to hold a walmart box fan to Jennifer Aniston's head. What a let down. I can see it now:

"Good morning Suzie"

"Oh, goodmorning sir, I'm really so excited to be here!"

"Right. Okay, I'm gonna need a venti ice coffee, light on the sugar. 2 everything bagels, plain. Oh, and see that huge fan contraption over there? Yea, pick that up and hold it next to jennifer's head for the next 2 hours while your at it. And when your done, if you could just fluff me before I go home to my wife that would be great."

Wtf of the Day - The Side Look Edition

2009-08-22T08:53:00.000-04:00

I have the unfortunate pleasure of working with a guy who side looks the shit out of everyone. It makes me nervous. And no, it's not this dickface above. But what puzzles me is how the majority of us can effictively maneuver our head, eyes and neck simultaneously when engaging in conversation; while, living among us is this subculture of side lookers euipped with enough uncomfortable gazes to fuck your entire day up.

An Open Letter

2009-08-17T19:51:00.002-04:00

Dear Progressive Marketing Department,

Fuck you.

Firmly,
Ace

Jenny Mccarthy is a Dunce

2009-08-16T15:31:00.002-04:00

I know, "thanks for the update Chef". But really, things are worse than you can imagine. This walking pouch of silicon has been telling the world that 1) vaccines cause autism, 2) that vaccines gave her son autism and 3) that she cured her son of the disease. Hm.

Listening to Jenny Mccarthy on her views of autism would be about as helpful as letting a stripper treat you for leprosy. Where does this woman get off?! That is, other than a Fireman station via 8 sleezballs on my rentals Gateway computer screen in middle school.

Weekend at the Rentals

2009-08-16T11:32:00.009-04:00

Nothing like when a few childhood buddies escape City life to setup shop back with the rentals for some vintage Diner food, basketball, house partying and Dui's - or Dewies for short.

7:30 am. Saturday Morning. phone call

Buddy: uhh. yo. You uh, no where my car is??

Ace:: if your asking ME where your car is, you are in deep, deep trouble.

Buddy: well. my mom just poked me, I opened my eyes and she said "You were dropped off, passed out, on the porch about 20 mins ago. Where the hell is my car?!"....I'm like, what the fuck? I'm not on the porch!..... I clearly was. Oh and my phone and wallet are gone.

Ace:: okay. I'm not gonna lie, you were hamboned lastnight. All I remember is your shirt being off, us calling you Escobar, then you took ur clothes off, went pool hopping, and the cops showing up. Oh, and I got it all on film.

Buddy:: okay, well, first off. Fuck you. Secondly. Did I do anything questionable.

Ace:: nahhhh. well, the majority of people we know would rather not associate with us ever again, but other than that we're gravy.

Buddy: Okay, it appears that I was also at the police station.

Ace:: Sounds right, a few people got dewies lastnight. Well, 3 cases of Twisted Teas, the beach and some jams should recharge your batteries.

Buddy:: I don't know how, but I will be there in 20.

A BBM Convo

2009-08-14T07:57:00.002-04:00

Buddy, BBM:: sup dude

Ace, BBM:: wuss popsin

Buddy:: I've realized its time we all stop being idiots

Ace:: true... what??

Buddy:: I mean, over the past 3 years I could've..I don't know.. written a book. Instead Im a few years off from thirty, have a drug problem and am 30 lbs overweight.

Ace:: man, that's going on the Bomb.

Stewie Luh da Peen

2009-08-14T07:50:00.003-04:00

Doesn't come as a surprise that Stewie isn't an affiliate of the No-Homo enterprise. Ever notice how often he's trying to kiss Brian, dress up like a woman, kill his mother and take over the world? Oh, and to Chefs mom: your okay, not all geighs are like this.

Here's what Seth had to say: "We had an episode that went all the way to the script phase in which Stewie does come out. It had to do with the harassment he took from other kids at school. He ends up going back in time to prevent a passage in Leviticus from being written: ‘Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind. It is an abomination.’ But we decided it’s better to keep it vague, which makes more sense because he’s a 1-year-old. Ultimately, Stewie will be gay or a very unhappy repressed heterosexual. It also explains why he’s so hellbent on killing [his mother, Lois] and taking over the world: He has a lot of aggression, which comes from confusion and uncertainty about his orientation."

Arrrgghhhhh

2009-08-13T10:44:00.004-04:00

After hurling the Protein Shake I had for breakfast, I actually became a little misty eyed. To see a professional gold digger and her wrinkly bag of dollas mate in public is a once in a lifetime opportunity. And while Eye Patch Larry, 74, is busy closing on women 30 years younger than him, I have buddies who can barely close a door.

tags: larry king, health care, barack obama, Shawn, Turkey Neck, How effing old is larry king?!, naiyo

Commenting is bizzackk

2009-08-13T10:25:00.003-04:00

So, wanna offer a perspective on the daily BS? Feel free.

F summer

2009-08-12T17:28:00.003-04:00

Couple things. Mainly, when its pushing 100 degrees outside, don't jog past me during your workout. You may wake up in intensive care on the coast of Bosnia. Thats how hard I will be slapping you. And the repercussions may worsen if you decided to wear those calf-high socks on your run.

As for obese people, well, God-speed.

Then there's the cab rides. "Excuse me, can I open the window". "Oh, no my friend, I have AC fa you". Now I'm trapped, the stench of 1000 deaths from up front slowly infiltrating my nose, 20 blocks from the fucking crib.

I can't eat at places with no air. I cry tears of elation whenever it downpours. And Briefs are a toxic wasteland upon removal.

I'll take christmas, peacoats, sweatless nights, and not soaking through the shirt i'm wearing 30 seconds after leaving my apartment over this calamity any day.

Ledger's Last Film - The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus

2009-08-11T20:20:00.002-04:00

Some maverick decided to make a movie that didn't surround high school vampires, alien robots and a plot about a girl, who hates the co-star guy, but ..shhh, secretly is gonna fall in love with him at the end.

Ledger finished half the scenes for The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, when he died on Jan 22nd last year. The missing work was then completed by Depp, Jude Law and Colin Ferrell, who also play his character. It strikes me as the type of movie where being high isn't the worst idea.

Diplomats Gone WIld!!!

2009-08-10T19:22:00.004-04:00

This looks like fuckin rager. One could really let loose in here. But my vote would have to go to Kim's stylist on this one.

I'm Not Sold.

2009-08-09T21:30:00.005-04:00

When your girlfriend has to give an 80 year old a slopper to do his magazine, do you cause a scene? Probably. And given Spencer's hardnosed politics on loyalty and respect, things must've gotten ugly.

On a lighter note, some clever photographers dumped a bunch of dirt on Montag. I think it looks alittle off. Pretty arrogant too. As if to say, hey Mr. 48 year old reading this on the toilet, you wanna freak me no matter what, am I right?

And what kinda buttplugs do this in public

Pablo Mays

2009-08-08T16:11:00.003-04:00

Quote: Although the 50 year old Mays had heart disease, the coke could have contributed to his death...

Yea, I'd say so.

I'm reminded of an old internship. It was at a stock brogerage house, having since shutdown, filed for chapter 11 and been sued. Really a wonderful establishment. The extent of my duties included: coffee, copies, cold calling the entire continent for 9hours a day, and getting too nice on Brickbreaker in the bathroom stalls. My immediate superior was about 29 at the time, sported the most fitted suit you've never seen, and only.. and I mean ONLY, rocked bright pink Armani ties. The fishy thing was, he was constantly using Nasal Spray throughout the day. When he wasn't screwing people out of their hard earned money, it was relentless Afrin use. And having roomed with an urban pharmacist of sorts back in my frathouse, I was quite aware that something was...askew. So what do I do? One morning I got in the office early, opened the top draw to his desk and began my forensics. Needless to say, after close investigation, for the remainder of the day, my teeth were grinding harder than 2 Long island gueeds at Marquee around 2:45 am.

Dear Pre-Game

2009-08-06T23:46:00.007-04:00

What happened? We use to have so much fun, no? Where are the wacky, wallet-friendly antics of debauchery? Honestly, it's not you, its me. I just can't sit and watch you suffer. You once gave me a good time, you now give me empty cases in the fridge and a bottle of Jim Beam the entire party's chugged from. Including homie over by the ipod with the herp telling us we need to listen to HIS mix (he brought his Touch). Thanks, but no thanks. A techno song comes on and next thing I know 75% of the party is sharing anecdotes from some semester abroad. That is, if half the crowd isn't in between back and forth trips to the bodega downstairs for cigarettes and beer, and or shuffling around in the back room - chatting about deep shit.. The only people left are freestyling, its now 2:55 AM, we're still here and I'm plastered to the point of no return.

It's just not working.