It's been a whole week and I still hate a lot of shit, plus it's really hot outside. Here's a small sampling of what I'm stewing on:
Hispanic people who make sure to over annunciate any and every spanish word or last name but otherwise have no accent. This is particuarly noticable among newscasters, all of whom are supposed to use no regional dialect but somehow feel compelled to pronounce last names with an accent strong enough for Telemundo soap operas . "Hi, I'm Cynthia Rrrrooodreeguezzz and these are tonight's top stories." Nothing I can't stand more than an overdone 'r' roll. This isn't 8th grade Spanish, there's no teacher to impress. And I get it too. You're on TV and you're trying to tell us all that "Hey, I speak with perfect diction and no regional dialect like I should, but I'm still latino and you're goddamn right I'm going to shove it down your throat by getting my hispanic on with every single spanish word and name I say." But you know what? I hate that shit. So does everyone else. We can tell your hispanic and it makes no difference to us whatsoever. I'm a good guy. I don't judge you by your ethnicity. I judge you by your looks. And one more thing. I'm Jewish and I don't put on a ridiculous Yiddish or Hebrew accent everytime I say a Jewish name. You know why? Because that would make me a jackass. Think about that.
Anyone who uses the joke about birthdays after their 21st being their, "__ annual 21st birthday!" A couple things here.
1: You did not make this up and everyone you say it to knows it. This means that no one thinks you're witty or that calling it that is cute. The first time I heard it, a couple years ago, it was funny. Each time after that was like seeing seeing a new picture of Britney Spears. I knew it was good once, but now it's just worn out.
2: You're probably a girl who's put on countless pounds since college from sitting in an office all day and not having the free time to work out. Trust me, it's very easy to tell how long you've been out of school, and thus your age, just by looking at you. I know you're not 21 anymore, I don't care either. I'm not going to judge you for telling people you're turning 25. But please stop associating yourself with 21 year old girls. I still want to have sex with girls that age and equating yourself with them is ruining it for me.
3: If you are hot, then man the fuck up. Getting old sucks, but deal with it. I don't care if you're 21, 24 or 34, if you look good I'll still want to wax the shit out of you so don't worry. You know when I won't want to do you? After I get a facebook message inviting me to your 4th annual 21st birthday.
1: You did not make this up and everyone you say it to knows it. This means that no one thinks you're witty or that calling it that is cute. The first time I heard it, a couple years ago, it was funny. Each time after that was like seeing seeing a new picture of Britney Spears. I knew it was good once, but now it's just worn out.
2: You're probably a girl who's put on countless pounds since college from sitting in an office all day and not having the free time to work out. Trust me, it's very easy to tell how long you've been out of school, and thus your age, just by looking at you. I know you're not 21 anymore, I don't care either. I'm not going to judge you for telling people you're turning 25. But please stop associating yourself with 21 year old girls. I still want to have sex with girls that age and equating yourself with them is ruining it for me.
3: If you are hot, then man the fuck up. Getting old sucks, but deal with it. I don't care if you're 21, 24 or 34, if you look good I'll still want to wax the shit out of you so don't worry. You know when I won't want to do you? After I get a facebook message inviting me to your 4th annual 21st birthday.
Oh yeah and this horrible heat wave. Fucking global warming. I can barely walk 3 blocks before my ass crack turns in to the English Channel.
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