The Stewings are back after a week off! The bitterness of a 5 day work week after a measely 3 day holiday weekend had me as angry as ever. Here's some of what I was stewing on last week:
Those who refer to plain pizza as "cheese pizza." I dunno where you learned about the ingedients to this classic Italian-American entree but last time I checked, cheese was a pre-requisite for pizza. Anytime one orders pizza and it is anything but plain it's titled by its topping(s). "I'll have a slice of pepperoni," or "A slice of mushroom please." You never ask for cheese and pepperoni, or cheese and mushrooms. So unless you can keep a reasonably straight face and tell me that not specifying cheese will result in your receiving bread topped only with tomato sauce, start calling it "plain."
Anyone who uses their bluetooth on the street. This is a big one. For starters, you're just walking. You can easily hold you phone up to your ear and speak. You're not doing anything else while walking that you need your hands free for. There's no steering wheel to hold, no computer to type at. You can hold your phone to your ear mainly because you cannot do something completely unrelated with your hands while walking and talking. It's impossible. There's no way you can walk, look where you're going, concentrate on your hands free phone call, and do an entirely different task with your hands all at the same time. So don't tell me you're using the bluetooth because you need to keep your hands free. There's just no way. Superman couldn't do all that without tripping over a curb.
Maybe you don't need your hands free to do other stuff. Maybe you just simply want the freedom to sway your arms casually as you walk. Well, do you realize that you appear to be talking outloud to no one? Or even worse: to yourself? This is not a good perception to give off. I'm always totally thrown when one of these people passes me on the street seemingly speaking to no one. My first thought is that they're talking to me, which obviously I'm not cool with unless they're a girl and extremely attractive. My second thought is that they're crazy, and i can't be the only one.
And I know I'll get the response of "Well I don't care what other people think, I'm just doing my own thing!" And that's all good and noble except that you obviously do care. Otherwise you wouldn't have bought that top of the line bluetooth ear piece and you wouldn't be strutting around having loud conversations on it in completely unneccessary situations. So unless you can prove to me that you're capable of hand, eye, feet, and thought coordination that allows you to do 4 to 5 different things at once while walking, lay off the bluetooth on the street. It's obnoxious.
And finally, people who hold their drinks out and/or pretend to chug large bottles of alcohol in photos. We're not 17 anymore. You don't need to prove to people that you can drink, or try to show that you think drinking is cool. We all get it. Also, chances are if I'm taking the time to be in a picture it means that I want to keep this picture and maybe look at it somewhere down the line. You know what would probably ruin that experience? Your faggity face posed with an empty bottle of Grey Goose held up to your mouth.
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