The Kid's Movie Corner: COLLEGE

As you might have noticed from my poster below, I'm on record as saying this movie is fucking terrible. Now, I know the biggest question mark is "Why would I go to see this piece of shit in the first place"? Simple answer: I saw it being filmed last year and every other movie out there either sucked (Babylon A.D.), or I had seen it (The Dark Knight) or sucked and I had seen it (Tropic Thunder). So based on those reasons, when my friends suggested a midday movie, not moments after I had finished a nice Dutch Master, I took the bait and paid $6.50 to see the worst piece of shit I have ever seen in its entirety at a theater.

From the outset I knew that this movie had somehow been elevated from straight to WalMart status, and that there was no legal way they should haven been able to charge $6.50 per person for a movie that had a budget of $2.19 and a bag of Doritos. It started out bad, and just got worse from there.

At best the characters were unwatchable, at worst you hoped and prayed you would meet one of them out at night, but before you'd slammed any Stones, so that you could really work them over and give them the beating they deserved. I wasn't looking for Memento or anything even coherent, but the plot was so pathetic and tried so hard to be cool and over-the-top that I can all but guarantee whoever wrote this movie: A. went to some horrible, in-state, shit-stop, or B. never got laid one single time in the life . . .or C: both.

Going into any further details, or even mentioning specific events in the film, is unnecessary and would be disrespectful to my film reviewing ability. I mean for god sake, the crude penis animation on my poster should have told you everything: no one wants to spend any time or effort on this movie, not even the people who made it. That being said, onto the rating.

I'm gonna rate all movies on scale of 0 Stones to 30 Stones, a great movie being above 20, just like a great night of 20+ Stones. So on this scale, I'm gonna give College 2 Stones out of 30. A horrible journey that should have never taken place. . .

The Kid