Peubs in Your Chinese Food 101

Show me a roach infested whole in the wall with a #2 pencil in some dry rice on the counter, and I'll show you an Ace eager to purchase some good ol' fashioned General Tsao's. And yesterday evening I got alittle fancy; Chose to top it off with a healthy serving of pork fried rice and beef lo mein (im watching the calories), even throwing in a few fried chicken wings doused in 'ha sauce'. As I sat down to watch The Mummy 382407143, staring at my plastic container ripe with MSG - which I'd later be washing and saving as tupperware - I was ready for anything: ants, flies, a ladybug perhaps, who knows. Insects are a fixture of the chinese delicassy I am prepared to maneuver around. It wasn't until several bites in, that I noticed my curly black homie.

ringg

Chows Panda King: ahh, hewo. Thankhhuu fo calling Chow Panda King how may I hep uuuu

Ace: yea, I just got a delivery from u guys and found a hair in my general tsoa's chicken

CPK: ohh okk, 1 ordaa of General Tsoa's. Okay, combo platta? Spwing Woll?

Ace: what?! no, no, I already GOT the delivery. ...ughh..fuck, me.... No, I already bought the dinner, there was a hair in it. A peubic hair in fact.

CPK: For derivery?

Ace: uh, yea?

CPK: okkkayy, would u like drink wit that?

Ace: ...okay. No. I don't want a drink. I don't want another meal. I have someone's under arm, or genital hair in my general tsao's here at my apartment already. I know you have my apt # on file. This was like 10 MINTUES AGO!

CPK: large o small?

click....


The strange part of it all is that Asian body's are, fortunately for them, hairless. My korean buddy doesn't even wear deodorant. So, I don't get it. Are they importing these hairs? It escapes me how a peubic hair makes its way to my general tsao's chicken. Are these guys just smacking off and cooking all at once? What the fuck is going on behind that bullet proof window? I guess we will never know. What I do know is, next time, I am cracking, effing, skulls. Belee dat