Nutjob in the criddib

It's 9:30 pm and I'm standing outside my building in a hoodie, mesh shorts from high school and beatup high tops waiting for delivery service; green delivery service. Anyway, as Harvey rolls up we both notice a police van nearby, and decide to move our transaction elsewhere.

Harvey: sup stranger

Ace: sup Harvey!?

Harvey: thats not my name.

Ace: I'm feelin this song u got goin right now, "On To the Next One" is the hottest on the album though. Oh, and I just need 1

Harvey: Yea, its aight. I'm really a Capadonna guy though.. Oh, I got this hot mdma shit, you could sample that jaunt ("jaunt", philly pronunciation for joint) for free, right here. Like, right, here. AND I got piff if you fillin that.

Ace: Yea. No. Its Tuesday. I'm all set on that.


Sauntering from the 2009 Benz to my apt, 1 "ill Cali jumpoff" gram heavier, I notice 2 police officers chatting it up with my door man. Now, if I was 16, I'd have shit my black CK briefs with the hole right then and there. Instead, I dids my thing:

Ace: Whats going on guys?

Cop #1: sir, what's in your closet.

As you can imagine, I am now 16 years old again, clutching my recent purchase with a tight, sweaty fist in my pocket, looking for a way out of this conversation. Quick. Rather, again, I played it cool.

Ace:: well, remember guys, I'm in a duplex. So, if your trying to figure out a particular apt arrangment, I'm not sure I can be of any help.

Cop #2: Ahh, okay. We're just trying to gain access into a resident's closet but not sure what to expect.

Ace:: is there a problem?

Cop #1: leans in...well, on the top floor of the South portion of the building, we've been made aware of a ..challenged... resident, who we've since apprehended. There was, lewd writing all over his walls, blood, and unmentionable..."stuff"... scattered across the floor and bathroom.

Yea, "what the fuck?!" is right. Thank the stars I live on the North Side of the Building. As if this interaction wasn't miserable enough, I'm now checking my shoulder for a batshit murderer lurking the hallways.

It was nothing alittle Madden 2010 couldn't cure though, beeleedat.