Weekly Stewings

I'm a very particular guy. That's a nice way of saying I don't like a lot things and/or people. That being said, here's a sample of what I'm stewing on this week:

Anyone who orders their sandwich at Subway bread first. “Yeah I’ll have a foot long Italian herb and cheese.” Yeah, with Tuna, American cheese and a hefty spread of douche bag. Where did these people grow up? Haven’t any of you ever ordered a sandwich in a deli before? I think I’d get punched in the face if I went in to a sandwich shop and said “Yeah I’ll take two pieces of rye bread… oh yeah and throw some roast beef on there while you’re at it.” It’s not a fucking rye bread sandwich with roast beef. It’s roast beef on rye. The same thing applies at Subway. You wouldn’t tell me you ordered a what bread with meatballs. Get it right. The Puerto Ricans behind the counter hate you too.

Girls who abbreviate words meant to be said in their entirety. This has only been made worse by that fag from Project Runway. If I hear “ferosh” one more goddamn time, or “obvi” or “ridic” or “supes” I’m going to stab both of my eardrums with a ballpoint pen . Have some self respect and speak like a human being. Everyone who’s not your best friend thinks you sound like a fucking idiot.

My floor’s washing machine costing 5 quarters a wash and fitting approximately 8 garments per load. If you’re going to rip me off don’t rub my face in it. Plus I live in a fucking condo in Hollywood, why we do have a laundry set up like a Project in Watts. I can have Spanish shutters and 20 grand in new appliances when I move in but I can’t have a washer and dryer?

People who spell common words wrong. It’s spelled “ridiculous,” with an i, not an e or any other retarded way you can mangle it. This: is how you spell definitely. Again with an i, not with an e or an a, not with multiple l’s either. These are probably the two most over used words of our generation. At least learn to spell them right.

People who have Blackberry’s without any good reason for it. Generally these people are college age girls, most of who probably don’t work and major in comm or go to some bullshit fashion school. I get it. You think it’s the cool thing to have and totally grown up and professional. Plus they’re way hot so how could you be the only one not bbm’ing your friends all day blocking me from getting down the subway steps. In reality I have to have a Blackberry because my boss likes to email me at all hours of the night and on weekends to set up meetings, calls and generally manage her life for her. This makes having a Blackberry total shit. It’s not fun or cool to me. Every time that shit buzzes I die a little bit inside. I know your life revolves around the opinions of others. But trust me; I’m judging you way more for having an unnecessary Blackberry than I ever would for having a peasant phone.