The Stewings

Yes, I still write for my own website believe it or not. And I'm back this week with more shit that's pissing me off. Here's what I'm stewing on right now:

People who use the term "Blackout" - This has nothing to do with the effects of a strong thunderstorm on a homes electricity. I'm talking about people who use it to describe their intoxication level.

"Fuck man, I was so blackout last night."

You mean you were blacked out? Because that actually makes sense. Last I checked you went out last night and you're telling me a story about it today. It's not happening right now so throw some past tense on to that shit. And even if I had the presence of mind to tell you in the moment that I'm extremely hammered, it's STILL "blacked out." There is never a correct situation to ever say that you're "blackout," I'm sorry.

I'm not big on slang. I like my sentences gramatically correct and I personally can't stand to hear someone make this mistake. It just sounds retarded.

Let's say you're a huge loser and the term "rocking out" is in your vernacular. Let's also say that even though you are a huge loser, you happened to have a wild night last night. Would you recap with your friends by saying: "Shit, I was rock out last night." Let's fucking hope not. Just reading it now should make you cringe.

I understand that "blackout" is just short hand for "black out drunk" which has somehow worked its way in to becoming slang for pathetic people of my generation and that "blackout" is now an accepted short-hand. But please, let's get it straight. You can be blacked out, you can be in the process of blacking out, you can plan to black out, but you can't BE blackout. Fucking a, writing that last rant made me so frustrate...

Facebook statuses - "Joe Smith is Ow, this tetanus shot really hurts" - Who the fuck cares?

"Jill Sloppycunt is can't waitttt to be on vaca ...1 more day of dealing w/ this crazinesss" - Kill yourself.

"Tiffany Goyleface is recovering from drunken escapades! - Good to know!

"Bobby Toolbag is is making the transition from bitch world to hustle status." - I swear this one is real.

The most important question to raise here is: Why would you think anyone cares? Ever tried reading a bunch of these out loud in succession? High comedy. I know you're probably trying to brag about something or inform hundreds of acquaintances that you're going on some great trip or you just met someone famous or you have an edgy political stance but really, just shut the fuck up. I like facebook. It allows me to creep on girls I both know and don't know and also solicit them with casual messages about "hanging out." But it also forces me to see this bullshit, and for as long as that continues I will continue to hate.

That's it for now. Unfortunately, real life beckons.