Lance...

Meet Lance, my alleged personal trainer. Obviously thats not him above, thats my boy Pitt, but you get the point. I recently made the executive decision of joining Bally's Fitness and my mistake was made painfully obvious upon walking through the front doors when I was met by Lance's cartoonishly square Jaw and in-your-face veneers:

Lance:: Hey there! I'm Lance! Welcome to Bally's, heard you recently signed up!

Ace:: Uh,yea. thanks. I'm just gonna go upst...

Lance:: GREAT! Ya'know, don't be fooled, I use to be a model body builder. Delts the size of this building!!

Ace:: yea?

Lance:: Yessir! Also use to manage 6 Bally's at once! But don't get me wrong, still got the 12 pack...Ya'know?! Haha...nudge, nudge

Ace:: right.

Lance:: You look like the kinda guy tryna bulk up!

Ace:: um, well, no, ya know, just trying to....

Lance:: Listen. Don't mean to cut you off. But lets me and you sit down and break some shizz down! Know what I mean?

Ace:: ya know, I actually don't have much time. I was just gonna....

Lance:: how much time you got?

Ace:: 45 minutes.

Lance:: That's 40 minutes longer than I need buddy!

1 hour later

Lance:: So with the preferred customer gold personal training account you get 5 sessions for only 69 bucks a pop! That's outrageous bro! And I'll have you lookin like triple H in under 2 months!

Ace, looks at watch: what the fuck just happened.